‘Ha’

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Have you ever wondered why we act as we do? Do you ever think about what makes us tick on a deeper level? Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud both shared many interesting theories, some of which are a little ‘out there.‘ I like to take what makes the most sense for me and leave the rest.

“Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.” This is a quote by Ronald Reagan. I can think of other words to use in place of ‘government.’ The id is much like this ‘baby,’ all self-important, wanting what it wants without thought for another. The id wants to fulfill our cravings. It has no rules or boundaries, no judgment, no common sense. It just wants satisfaction, period. Freud refers to the id as, “das Es,” or, ‘it.’ The word id has New Latin roots. Common definitions includes our basic needs and desires.

The superego is our conscience. We learn from those who came before us about cultural boundaries and laws and societal norms. We strive to abide by the rules. Our conscience learns traits from parents, family, teachers, friends, and others. Sometimes I feel like I was born with a conscience already built in. The superego is a perfectionist and an inner critic. Guilt is its mantra. Freud calls the superego, “das Uber-Ich,” which translates to ‘I over or ‘I above.’ Superego has New Latin roots. Common definitions include what is right and wrong.

The ego’s job is to keep the id and the superego in check. It is the great balancing act between the world we live in, the id (trying to meet our wants), and the superego (trying to be socially conscious). The ego tries to satisfy all of these by navigating through the challenging maze of life, desires, and the great good. According to Freud, the ego means, “das Ich,” or ‘I.’ The word ego has Latin roots. Common current definitions include pride or self-esteem.

The ego’s work is not easy and teeters often, tipping into less-than desirable realms and consequences. The ego certainly is a great mediator. As such, it  sometimes loses its way, wandering often into id territory or into the land of the superego, or weaving back and forth through both consecutively, like a snake.

Not all people have the same equalizing abilities, either. We all come into this world with an agenda. Nature and nurture influence our life plan in a powerful way. Some of us tend to meander toward id country more than we should. Self-satisfaction is a tempting morsel and is hard to resist.

Some of us are drawn into the green fields of the superego and can become consumed by denying our own desires and needs. We might give in to judgment and criticism of ourselves and others. The superego is no better or worse than the id. The ego’s difficult task is to walk the tightrope across the canyon in blustery winds.

Here’s a quick poem I wrote about this delicate and difficult balancing act:

Ego

Superego is entrenched in my DNA
Id only wants to come out and play
Ego is the one who saves the day

I’d like to hear what you think. Thanks for reading.

‘Falling’

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Being a head over heels, hopeless romantic can have drawbacks. Always a sucker for romantic movies, a woman I know has watched them often throughout her life for as long as she can remember, even as a very small child. They mesmerize her. She doesn’t know why. They’re kind of silly, really.

Maybe it’s the on-camera chemistry or the close-up shot of a beautiful couple in a loving embrace. Kissing is her favorite. They seem so perfect together. Perhaps it’s the sexual tension and the playful flirting. Their humorous banter is fun and  entertaining.

Lovers in movies are very predictable. She wonders if that’s the draw. Happy endings are what she always looks for in movies and romantic movies usually have them. Every rule has an exception, though.

The movie, ‘Love Story’ to an impressionable and hormonal young teen had the perfect ending. A realistically devastating ending. Three times she spent her savings to see the movie and sat near the front with her closest friends, where she could be completely absorbed into the screen. She never cried so hard in her life. All three times.

She hoped nobody remembered that young girl bawling her eyes out not only in the movie theater, but outside on the sidewalk while waiting for a ride to pick her up. It was gut-wrenching. Sobbing so hard, gasping for her next breath.

She loved it. It released the brakes on the pent-up emotional roller coaster that was a rite of passage for every youngster. All kids went through it at some point.

Even though she knew what was coming in the movie, she liked to think about alternate endings. What if the woman in the movie had never gotten sick? Did love really mean never having to say you’re sorry? Could theirs be a love that lasted forever?

Falling in love turns your world sideways, in a good way. The endorphins run rampant across the synapses, brightening the world and everything in it. All of life is wonderful and beautiful. You feel like you could live like this forever.

‘Elf’ is my friend’s absolute favorite Christmas movie. The part where Buddy says, “I’m in love, I’m in love and I don’t care who knows it,” offers proof of the giddy feeling of falling completely in love.

Why do they call it ‘falling’ in love anyway? Why isn’t it flying in love or jumping in love or something more flashy? Falling seems like you have no control–oh, yeah…

Love and what it leads to, babies and (usually) long term relationships, takes commitment along with compromise from both partners. Equally. Commitment has many layers and is deeper than many of us realize. It is much more than being sexually faithful to a partner. It’s about becoming better together, encouraging each other along the way. Being there for the other.

Compromise can be difficult, especially when someone is used to getting their way. It sometimes becomes most difficult to be flexible as time moves forward. We change, usually not together nor in the same way. It’s about give and take, yin and yang. It’s about balancing each others needs and desires and supporting one’s partners’ dreams. Selflessly.

I am happy to have been in love during my lifetime. I look back joyfully on memories and forward to making better new ones. Falling. Head over heels in love. What could be better?

What do you think about falling? I’d like to hear from you. Thanks for reading.